Where have I been since last June?
I was mostly working pretty hard just to get through living. I've been sick a lot. I have also been up in my head trying to sort out this whole music thing. Do I return, do I not? If I do, how? If not, then what do I do with all my unrecorded songs?
After probably way too long pacing in circles in the rafters, I decided to stop thinking about it entirely and just put my body in situations and see how I feel about it. I began singing my songs at home again. Most don't grab me anymore, but a few do. That's been nice to realize.
A different kind of movement
I applied for all manner of local music festivals in January, figuring the chances are next to none that I'll get into any of them. But if I did, then I'd have a chance to find some things out. I was contacted by the Millvale Music Festival organizers and I have a small set on an outdoor acoustic stage in May. Ok, ready or not.
FAWM rolled around (February Album Writing Month) and I didn't know what to write about so I asked a friend and he said, “write about peace," so that's what I did. I ended up with 3 songs which is an accomplishment after years of nothing. Here's one of the tunes, Love More, as a first draft demo (remember, I'm not an engineer!!)
A few weeks ago, in a rare move, I left my house as the sun was setting and made my way along the Mon River roads to Club Cafe to see a local show. It was my first time back there in probably 7 years. What a rush to walk through the doors – the familiar layout, the coziness. I ordered a drink and claimed one of the back booths.
Before long someone I knew showed up and soon after the show began another head popped around the booth corner. It was a drummer I used to play with from time to time with his wife. They joined me. I forgot how much this city is a small town, in the best of ways.
Halfway through the show, I became consciously aware of just how incredible live music can be. It puts us in the present moment, drenches us in sound and energy, and it's all happening in the room. There is nowhere else to be and nothing else to do. We go to the show to be here.
And what kind of shows do we make?
I've been trying to sort that out. Figuring out my set list for the festival has meant going into my entire catalog. What's wild is that during this review the set list has been hard to nail down, however my 6th album project that had gotten stalled out in 2021 has somehow still been developing abscent of my attention. A collection of songs easily popped to the surface that make way more sense than what I had been trying to force together five years ago. I guess it's like looking for your keys and finding that necklace you'd misplaced and forgotten about instead. Anyhow, if someday it ever finalizes it will be by means of which I am yet unaware, but I feel way more relaxed knowing it's all there waiting for me without my ‘efforting.’
So I'm feeling optimistic in 2026.
Lots of movement, lots of returning, lots of knowing I'm grateful for the ways I've grown. It's a relief to know there are parts of my past life that I still love, parts of that life that I'd like to have back, parts I'm content with leaving behind, and for the rest of the question marks…I'll know the answer soon enough.
